introducing lilith!!

hi - i'm lilith, another strand in Team 4ply!! you may also know me as the Old Maiden Aunt. and i suppose you could consider me the "ringleader" of this group, since i was the one who kind of talked everyone else into taking on this endeavour (although to be fair, all i really did was say "hey, this looks cool - who wants to do it with me?)!!!

i've been running for a few years now - i initially started mainly as a way to lose weight, back when i was a few stone heavier than i wanted to be, and trained to run the Race for Life way back in 2008 (remember 2008?). i found that even though i wasn't brilliant at it, there was something about it that seemed to suit me. maybe it's the fact that most of the time, it's a solitary pursuit; maybe because you don't need much in the way of special equipment or fancy gym memberships to do it. or maybe, it's because the more you run, the more biscuits you can eat. whatever it was, running & i got on reasonably well. i've got Aspergers Syndrome (a form of autism), which means that life can be extremely stressful for me - running is a brilliant form of stress relief, and gives me some measure of control over my day. whatever else has happened, no matter how slow or plodding my run, i've still managed to get out there and achieve something. i can use the time to mull over the stresses of the day, think about tomorrow's plans, or simply look around me & just be glad to be there (or some days, wheeze & pant & wonder why i ever thought this was a good idea!).

since i've never really been sporty, this came as a bit of a surprise - a) that i suddenly owned a lot of lycra and more than one pair of trainers, and b) that i was willing to persevere at something that i wasn't great at (not something i ever managed in all those years of school PE!!). i found myself looking for events to train for & goals to work toward - i even managed to slog my way through Tough Mudder in 2012. and although i've had to take a few of chunks of time off here & there for various injuries (tendonitis, post-Tough-Mudder recovery, tendonitis again) i'm still plodding on.

although building up the stamina to run my 8.5 mile leg of the marathon is going to be a challenge (my longest run at the moment is less than half that distance), that's not actually my biggest worry. i'm pretty used to country running - i live somewhere semi-rural, so my running routes usually look like this:

 

it's a nice place to run - there's always something interesting to look at, and vehicles are usually pretty good at giving you a wide berth (although with my hi-vis fluorescent yellow vest & bright pink hair, i'm fairly easy to see!). i've found tractors are the best at giving you lots of room, probably because they know what it's like to be wide, slow-moving, and in everybody's way. running on these roads, i've gone over a mile farther than i meant to because i was following a very interesting bird that was always *just* out of reach; i've run my fastest ever time when a farm collie chased me for more than half a mile; and i have my very own cheering section - they always shout "yeaaaaaahh!" when i pass them.

(hm - maybe it's "baaaaaaaa"!). apart from my cheering squad & the infrequent car, it's pretty peaceful - and for someone with Aspergers, peace & quiet is a wonderful thing. i don't really deal well with noise - Aspergers messes with my sensory system, and makes sounds painfully loud, lights painfully bright, and crowds terrifyingly disorienting. my sense of direction & spatial awareness are appalling, and unfamiliar situations are extremely scary. so a major running event like the Edinburgh Marathon, with roughly 25,000 participants, is something that i'd normally avoid like the plague - too many people running about! noisy cheering people on the sidelines!! i don't know these streets!!! there's too many signs to read!!! what if i get lost, or can't find my team member at the changeover?!!??? PANIC!!!!!

an autistic meltdown is awful - in its best form, it resembles a severe panic attack, and at worst, it can spiral into near-catatonia (i literally can't move/speak/communicate in any way, like i've gone too far inside myself in an attempt to get away from the stressor, and become trapped). it's an incredibly distressing experience as it signals a complete loss of control. in my normal life, i can structure most things in such a way that i can avoid a lot of major stressors - but this event is going to be something else entirely.

 

but, like elaine, i'm pretty sure that however hard i'm going to find it on the day, that doesn't matter. what matters is that even though it's hard, i can do it. i'm happy to admit that i'm probably a little too short, a little too fat, and a little too close to forty to ever really get properly good at running. but today, i can still look at a hill & say to my legs "right, let's go" - and they do it (& it still never ceases to amaze me). i can decide that today, i'm going to run for four miles - and even if i wheeze & wobble on each step, i can do it. and if i need to make it through a crowded, chaotic, noisy event to raise some money for MS research - i can do it. we're all only ever one serious accident or illness away from losing the physical abilities & freedoms that we take for granted, so if i can help out in some way by continuing to plod on - i can do it.